Mission Musings: Feel Good Feelings

Friday, November 04, 2005

Feel Good Feelings

Relationships. Boys and Girls. The Birds and The Bees.

Tricky business, those relationships of life. Did you know there is an almost zero chance of a successful recovery to those who become involved in a relationship before one year of sobriety? I taught this to the residents on the LifeChange Program this week. Some of them are really being tempted in this area.

How easy it is to look to people to fulfill us. To use their affection and attention to stroke our egos or give us self-worth. But people aren't perfect. They let us down in big and small ways. Then what? Suddenly, I'm not only talking to addicts. I'm talking to myself. I'm talking to all of us.

Why do we get entangled in relationships when we aren't healthy? Because we want to feel good. It's selfish, really. Do we really think those feel good feelings are going to last? Any relationship worth it's weight in gold will be refined by fire.

If we need someone to make us feel normal, or complete, we're not ready for a relationship. If we skip from one relationship to another, we're not ready for a relationship. If what others say and do cause us to be insecure, we're not ready for a relationship.

If we ourselves are going through a hard time, getting involved in a relationship with the opposite sex is only going to make things worse in the end. You cannot use people to avoid the pain of life.

Colossians 2:10 says our completeness is ultimately found in Christ.

2 Comments:

At November 08, 2005 9:41 PM , Anonymous said...: Sometimes, when "one" comes a long way in his/her journey, they tend to realize what was wrong with them the whole time...God made woman for man so he would go on lonely no more...but with great emotional power and spiritual recognition, "one" tends to understand that maybe a relationship is not in order, that would be selfish (obviously) and it's not that those people who are so lonely, want to hurt or bring down another's feelings, or elude them into thinking everything will be ok...first of all all succesful relationships begin with communication, personality, boundaries, and common interests...but in order to devolope these traits a person needs time to share with the "other" company...it's not about sex, it's about communicating with someone oustide of their recovery, maybe someone above the crowd, someone who feels the same and someone who would be willing to accept that person in recovery as a human being, we are to share each other's burdens...we are to encourage other's to love our enemies...how do we start if no one trusts us...God blesses...Satan tempts us to do evil, God tests us to do good...how will we ever discern the two if they are not readily available to esteem our worth to God, or ourselves......
At November 10, 2005 10:34 AM , Michelle said...: Two Things:

1. Communication IS important. I agree wholeheartedly. It's key, in fact, to ANY relationship.

So, my question for you is, why does it have to be practised with the opposite sex?

I still contend that ANY person who is struggling, for whatever reason, is not ready to begin a relationship.

2. Learning how to live outside of recovery and interact with those who are not struggling, but maintaining healthy lifestyles IS key. But again, I would have to ask, why would you need a person of the opposite sex to make you feel normal?

Our worth HAS to come from Christ. If you don't feel "normal" or "valued" without the imput and impact of another human being, you are not relying on God alone for your strength.

It is human approval, or the lack of it, that defines us as co-dependant. We surely need LOVE and COMMUNITY, but true love doesn't take the form of ego stroking or approval. And true love waits.